Past 3 weeks

For the past 3 weeks (weekdays), i had attachment at X hospital. Learnt many things and everything is so much more interesting compared to school. I bed-sponged patients, wiped their asses, and daily parameters (BP,Pulse,Temp,Spo2,Respiration,Pain score) and I/O charting (intake & output). So, with output, of cause having to clear their urine and stool. And if needed, urine or stool have to be collected! I know most of you will be disgusted, but i'm wearing gloves and apron, so not so bad! 

For the last week of the attachment, 3rd week, day 2: I brought a patient downstairs to buy food, which before that my CI already did not allow. The patient was struggling from bed to wheelchair and of cause i offered to help. I asked 2 staff nurses if needed me to bring her down. Even the patient asked because she know that i can't. But the 2 staff nurses said can as everything was normal. Thus i brought her down. When i was downstairs, my CI called me to go up immediately and was very angry. Was being lectured and got a counselling form, which i've got no idea whats it about. Anyway, the 2 stuff nurses that allowed me to bring the patient down denied after that. They said they never allow me to. Making the problem worse. I know it's my fault too because i never think of the consequences, like that patient might suddenly have a heart attack/sudden bleeding or whatever shit. I know that's something i never thought of. Was so angry till i broke down, thinking how could nurses be like that. Shouldn't nurses be like kind and caring those type? 

But till now, i still think i'm right for bringing the patient downstairs to get some food. How i can just see the patient struggling and you want me to like ignore and say if i bring her down, anything happens, its my responsibility, I don't want to be responsible for such thing. HOW THE FUCK AM I GONNA DO THAT? NO WAY. I rather step forward and help someone struggling.. And the system is screwed seriously. We've got like number of skills that we HAVE to complete so we can pass. And one of the skills is like last office, which is like cleaning a dead body and stuff. So inside some students (no offence to any student nurses, just talking about overall) they are like please die, someone please die so i can complete my skills to pass. Not saying it's the student's fault. It's not the students fault at all. It's the way the school want us to learn the skills. But i just feel it's the wrong way.